Sex is a natural part of life, and there is no right or wrong way to engage in consensual sex. However, some sexual acts and behaviors carry certain risks. Risky sex refers to sexual acts or behaviors that can lead to unintended results.

One example includes sex without a condom or other barrier method. Not using barrier methods of contraception, such as condoms and dental dams, can increase a person’s chance of contracting STIs or unintended pregnancies.

There are ways to reduce these risks to ensure people have a happy and healthy sex life.

Sex without barrier protection

Sex without the use of barrier methods of contraception can lead to:

Unintended pregnancy

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)Trusted Source define unintended pregnancy as a pregnancy that a person mistimes or does not desire.

This refers to a pregnancy that occurs when an individual does not want to have children. It can also refer to when pregnancy occurred either earlier or later than intended.

Ways to reduce the risk

The best way to prevent unintended pregnancy is to use contraception, or birth control. There are many different types of contraception available.

Some options include:

• Intrauterine device (IUD): A doctor places a device inside the uterus to prevent pregnancy. A person can choose between hormonal IUDs and copper IUDs.
• Hormonal contraception: This method uses hormones to prevent pregnancy. Common types of hormonal contraception include:
  • the implant, which can last up to 5 years
  • an injection that lasts for 3 months
  • the pill, which people usually take every day
• Barrier methods: Barrier methods stop the sperm from reaching the uterus. Some options include:
  • the diaphragm
  • the contraceptive sponge
  • male and female condoms
  • dental dams

The right choice of contraception will depend on the person’s circumstances. A person can speak with a healthcare professional about the best method for them.

STIs

STIs are infections that can spread via sexual contact, such as vaginal, oral, and anal sex.

Examples of STIs include the followingTrusted Source:

• Syphilis: A bacterial infection that can lead to sores on the genitals, lips, mouth, or anus.
• Gonorrhea: Another bacterial infection that may not cause symptoms. If symptoms occur, they differ between males and females.
• Chlamydia: Most people who have contracted chlamydia do not realize it. This is because it does not often cause any symptomsTrusted Source.
• HIV: A virus that attacks a person’s immune system. There is no cure for HIV, but people can manageTrusted Source it using medication. Without treatment, it can develop into AIDS, which can be fatal.

Ways to reduce the risk

To help reduce the risk trusted Source of contracting an STI, a person can use a condom or other barrier method of contraception when engaging in vaginal, anal, or oral sex.

It is also important to get regular screenings for STIs.

Having multiple sexual partners

According to a 2020 studyTrusted Source, sexual relationships can positively influence a person’s happiness and satisfaction. It can also reduce stress levels, heart rate, and blood pressure.

The research authors note that between 2000 and 2018, sexual activity increased among males aged 18–24 and females aged 25–34.

However, having multiple sexual partners can increaseTrusted Source the chance of contracting STIs.

Ways to reduce the risk

If people engage in sexual activities with multiple partners, it is important to practice safe sexual behaviors.

Individuals should therefore:

• use barrier methods of contraception
• get regular STI screenings
• have honest and open communication with those they are engaging in sex with

Anal sex

The United Kingdom’s National Health Service (NHS) states that anal sex refers to any sexual activity that involves a person’s anus.

This can include penetration using:

• the mouth
• fingers
• sex toys

It can also include using the mouth or tongue to stimulate the anus.

Anal sex presents a higher risk of contracting STIs. The lining of the rectum is thin and easily damaged, making it easier for viruses and bacteria to enter the body.

STIs that a person can acquire via anal sex include:

• HIV
• syphilis
• chlamydia
• gonorrhea
• herpes
• genital warts

Performing oral sex on the anus can also lead to individuals contracting Escherichia coli or hepatitis A.

Ways to reduce the risk

A person can use water-based lubricants to reduce the chance of damaging the rectum. They can also use barrier methods of protection.

People should ensure that they use a new condom before transitioning from anal sex to vaginal sex. This can help reduce the chance of developing a urinary tract infection.

For those not using a condom, the person with a penis should wash it before transitioning from anal to vaginal sex.

Having sex while using drugs or alcohol

Using drugs or alcohol can affect a person’s decision-making. This may make them more likelyTrusted Source to engage in high risk sexual behavior.

According to a 2019 cross-sectional studyTrusted Source, using legal and illegal drugs can lead to people taking part in high risk sexual practices. This includes not having sex using a condom, increasing the risk of contracting STIs.

Ways to reduce the risk

If possible, individuals should reduce their alcohol intake and avoid using drugs before engaging in sexual activity.

If people find that using drugs and alcohol affects their decision-making and well-being, they should contact a healthcare professional.

It is also important to use barrier methods of protection to reduce the risk of contracting STIs.

To help avoid unintended pregnancies, people may wish to use forms of birth control, such as an IUD or birth control pill.

Paying for sexual services

The CDCTrusted Source states that those who exchange sex for money or nonmonetary items have an increased risk of STIs, such as HIV. This is because they are more likely to engage in high risk sexual behaviors, such as having multiple sexual partners and not using a condom.

According to the results of a 2015 national survey in Britain, men who pay for sexual services are more likely to contract and transmit STIs. The authors note that this may be because the use of condoms is less likely.

Ways to reduce the risk

It is important to note that paying for sex remains illegal in most of the United States. And although legal in some counties in Nevada, state law prohibits engaging in sex work unless it occurs in a licensed establishment.

The CDCTrusted Source recommends that for those who do pay for sexual services, using barrier methods of protection can help reduce the chance of contracting STIs.

Those who exchange sex should consider taking preexposure prophylaxis if they are HIV negative.

For those who are HIV positive, it may also be beneficial to consider taking antiretroviral therapy to reduce the chances of transmitting HIV.

Sex is a healthy and natural part of life. However, some behaviors carry higher levels of risk, which can lead to unintended results, such as pregnancy or STIs.

Examples of high risk sexual behavior include:

• sex without the use of barrier protection
• having multiple sex partners
• anal sex
• drug and alcohol use before sex
• paying for sexual services

To help prevent unintended results, individuals should ensure that they use birth control, including barrier methods of contraception. This can help reduce the risk of contracting STIs and getting pregnant unintentionally.

Getting regular STI screening will also help protect a person’s health.

What is compulsive sexual behavior?

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) do not classify compulsive sexual behavior as a diagnosable mental health disorder.

Debate continues as to whether the APA should include compulsive sexual behavior in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

The World Health Organization (WHO) included compulsive sexual behavior in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) and defined it as an impulse disorder “characterized by a persistent pattern of failure to control intense, repetitive sexual impulses or urges resulting in repetitive sexual behavior.”

The APA describe addiction as a condition that causes “changes in the areas of the brain that relate to judgment, decision making, learning, memory, and behavior control.” These changes can be visible on brain scans.

However, the APA define addiction as a dependency on a substance and not an activity.

The following characteristics indicate compulsive sexual behavior:

• repetitive sexual activities that become a central focus of the person’s life, to the point of neglecting health and personal care or other interests, activities, and responsibilities
• numerous unsuccessful efforts to significantly reduce repetitive sexual behavior
• continued repetitive sexual behavior despite adverse consequences or deriving little or no satisfaction from it
• a pattern of failure to control intense sexual impulses or urges and the resulting repetitive sexual behavior over an extended period, for example, 6 months
• persistent behaviors that cause marked distress or significant impairment in personal, family, social, educational, and occupational function, as well as in other important areas

Distress that relates entirely to moral judgments and disapproval of sexual impulses, urges, or behaviors is not sufficient to meet this requirement.

Mental health authorities have not yet established compulsive sexual behavior as a medical condition, although it can adversely affect families, relationships, and lives.

One of the difficulties of identifying compulsive sexual behavior is that one person might have a different sex drive, or libido, from the next. As a result, someone may consider their partner’s behavior to be sexually compulsive only because they have a higher sex drive.

More research is necessary to determine whether doctors should treat compulsive sexual behavior as a disorder.

Common behaviors

People with compulsive sexual behavior may fixate on different sexual practices. Some people might experience an overwhelming urge to masturbate, while others may feel a compulsion to engage in sexual intercourse with several different partners a day.

This variation makes the condition harder to define.

Activities that can sometimes have a link with compulsive sexual behavior include:

• compulsive masturbation
• multiple affairs, sexual partners, and one night stands
• persistent use of pornography
• practicing unsafe sex
• cybersex
• meeting with sex workers

Behaviors and attitudes may include:

• an inability to contain sexual urges
• detachment, meaning that the sexual activity does not emotionally satisfy the individual
• strong feelings of attraction to others alongside continually being in love and starting new romances, often leading to a string of relationships
• feelings of guilt and shame
• giving up social, work-related, or recreational activities to pursue sexual stimulation

Complications

Even though evidence does not support the diagnosis of compulsive sexual behavior, it can still have a severe effect on people who engage in it and those around them.

Untreated compulsive sexual behavior can result in intense feelings of guilt and low self-esteem. Some people may develop severe anxiety and depression.

Other complications may include:

• family and relationship problems, including breakups
• financial problems
• sexually transmitted infections (STIs

Causes

The causes of compulsive sexual behavior remain unclear.

Some studies theorize that compulsive sexual behavior shares the same reward system and circuits in the brain as substance addiction. However, there is no empirical evidenceTrusted Source that supports this.

Underlying mental health conditions, such as depression, may also trigger compulsive sexual behavior. Different mood states, including sadness, loneliness, and happiness, might also lead to an inabilityTrusted Source to control sexual behavior in people with the condition.

Diagnosis

The debate is ongoing regarding the diagnostic criteria for compulsive sexual behavior. There are different sets of criteria for diagnosing the condition.

Compulsive sexual behavior is not a formal diagnosis, according to the DSM-5. The APA suggest that this is due to a lack of evidenceTrusted Source supporting its viability as a medical condition. However, the WHO included compulsive sexual behavior in the ICD-11.

As not enough evidence is available to support the connection between compulsive sexual behavior and the psychological circuits of addiction, these criteria do not have wider application in the diagnosis of compulsive sexual behavior.

The increasing number of examples of compulsive sexual behavior and its consequences have expanded the discussion of the disorder as a legitimate mental condition. However, more empirical evidence is necessary before major health authorities add compulsive sexual behavior as a standalone diagnosis.

Treatment

Compulsive sexual behavior can be difficult to treat, as a person may rationalize their behaviors and thought patterns. People who engage in compulsive sexual behavior may deny that there is a problem.

Current treatment options aim to reduce mental health symptoms and manage any excessive urges to engage in sexual relations. Methods also encourage the nurturing of healthy habits and relationships.

The following treatment options are available:

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): This type of psychological therapy provides a variety of techniques and tools that help the individual change their behavior. CBT can equip a person to learn new positive coping skills and reduce unwanted sexual urges.

Prescription medications: These might include anti-androgens, such as medroxyprogesterone (Provera), as well as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), including fluoxetine (Prozac). While a doctor may prescribe these drugs to reduce sexual urges, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) have not approved any medications for treating this condition.

The support of friends and family is crucial for aiding recovery from compulsive sexual behavior. Compulsive sexual behavior can be difficult for others to understand and tolerate, especially if it has already caused damage in relationships.

However, a strong support network helps reduce unwanted sexual behavior and may support the creation of a healthy sexuality.

People with compulsive sexual behavior experience persistent sexual thoughts that interfere with their relationships, work or study, and everyday lives.

It can lead to severe anxiety and depression, as well as a range of other complications.

Experts remain unsure of the cause of this behavior, but various treatment options are available to help a person manage it.

Although some people refer to compulsive sexual behavior as sexual addiction, the APA do not classify it as a mental health disorder.

What factors contribute to sexual problems in those with PD?

Certain factors can cause a person to develop sexual problems when they have PD.

These factors include:

• Depression: The American Parkinson Disease Association states that up to 40% of people with PD also have depression. Depression can occur as a result of living with PD or due to changes in brain chemistry. It can reduce a person’s sexual function and lead to low sex drive. Research from 2018 found that 62.5%Trusted Source of males with depression in the study had a form of sexual dysfunction.
• Certain medications: Some medications that treat PD may affect a person’s libido, sexual desire, and sensation. If a person notices changes in their sexual habits after taking certain medications, they should speak with a doctor.
• Fatigue: PD can make a person feel tired or fatigued. If a person is regularly low on energy, they may not want to engage in physical intimacy.
• Mobility issues: The tremor, rigidity, and slowness of movement characteristic of PD can affect a person’s ability to have sexual intercourse.
• Anxiety: Anxiety can decrease a person’s sex drive and ability to maintain an erection or orgasm.
• Sleep problems: Sleep problems, such as restless leg syndrome (RLS), can cause a person to feel fatigued. RLS is prevalentTrusted Source among those with PD.

How does it affect sex drive?

PD can cause a person’s dopamine levels to drop. This occurs when dopamine-producing nerve cells in the part of the basal ganglia called the substantia nigra die.

Dopamine is a chemical messenger that helps regulate coordinated movements. It is also involved in all types of positive feelings and pleasure, such as sexual pleasure. Dysregulated dopamine activity can cause behavioral changes, including a loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities.

The American Parkinson Disease Association notes that if a person has low dopamine levels, they may have a reduced sex drive or interest in sex.

Mobility issues that occur due to PD can interfere with comfort during sex. If a person finds sex uncomfortable or painful, they may not want to have it.

On the other hand, less than 1% of people with PD will experience hypersexuality. Hypersexuality is when a person has a compulsive sex drive. Hypersexuality can causeTrusted Source:

• increased interest in sex
• increased arousal
• preoccupation with sexual thoughts
• frequent desire for sex
• use of sex lines, pornography, or sex workers

Hypersexuality in PD could be due to a side effect of a PD medication called levodopa. If a person develops hypersexuality due to their PD treatment, they should speak with a doctor.

How does PD affect sex and intimacy?

PD develops when nerve cells in the basal ganglia of the brain become impaired or die. The basal ganglia are a group of structures that help control movement.

Mobility issues that occur due to PD may also cause intimacy problems. Mobility issues include:

• slowed movements
• tremors
• stiffness
• pain
• fatigue

PD can affect a person’s autonomic nervous system (ANS). The ANS controls involuntary processes in the body, such as heart rate and digestion. The ANS is also responsible for sexual arousal.

Research from 2021Trusted Source found that issues with the ANS can cause erectile dysfunction and dry ejaculation.

Sexual problems affecting males with PD

The following are sexual concerns that may affect males with PD:

Erectile dysfunction

According to the Michael J. Fox Foundation, erectile dysfunction is the most common sexual issue for a male who has PD. Men may find that they are unable to achieve or maintain an erection.

Erectile dysfunction due to PD may be a result of the condition itself, medication used to treat it, or depression.

Lack of climax

PD can reduce sensation and function during sex, meaning achieving orgasm can be difficult. This can lead to frustration or dissatisfaction.

Sexual problems affecting females with PD

Parkinson’s UK notes that females with PD are most likely to experience:

Vaginal dryness and pain

PD can lead to vaginal dryness in some females. This means the vagina may not be properly lubricated during sex.

Vaginal dryness can lead to friction during sex, which can be uncomfortable or painful. Bladder infections are also common for females who have vaginal dryness.

Lack of arousal or climax

Females who have PD may also experience difficulty achieving orgasm. This may be due to issues with arousal or a result of pain and discomfort.

How to maintain a healthy sex life with PD

There are many ways a person can improve their sex life if they have PD, such as:

Being open and honest with each other

Communication between partners is important if a person finds sex or intimacy difficult. A person should let their partner know how they feel and how PD is affecting their sex life.

If a person finds that they are struggling to communicate with their partner, they may want to speak with a therapist. The therapist can help the couple open up to each other and facilitate change.

Speaking with a doctor about medications

If a person suspects that their PD medication is affecting their sex life, they should speak to a doctor. A doctor may be able to change a person’s medication to something more suitable.

Additionally, a doctor may be able to prescribe medication that could help a person’s sexual function. This may include antidepressants or erectile dysfunction medication, such as sildenafil (Viagra).

Methods to try during sexual activity

Sexual experimentation can help a person with PD figure out what works best for them and their partner. Experimenting may involve:

• using lubricants during penetration
• trying different forms of simulation
• using sex toys
• trying new positions
• applying oils to the skin to reduce friction from tremors
• putting satin sheets on the bed to reduce friction
• trying new things, such as roleplaying or dressing up
• trying positions that reduce strain and discomfort

Open and honest communication is important when dealing with sexual issues. If a person finds it hard to discuss their sexual problems with their partner, they should speak with a doctor or sex therapist.

There are many ways a person with PD can improve their sex life. If a person is concerned about their sexual problems, they should speak with a healthcare professional.

What is sex drive?

Sex drive, otherwise known as libido, refers to a person’s desire for sexual activity and arises from the basic biological need to reproduce.

It is a normal feeling that anyone can experience, whether a person wants to reproduce or not.

Levels of libido exist on a spectrum, from no desire for sex at all to wanting to engage in sexual activity very often.

Having a high sex drive is not a problem unless it excessively preoccupies a person’s thoughts. For example, a person might wish to reduce their sex drive if it:

• interferes with their work, social life, sleep, or health
• affects their mental health
• is difficult to feel satisfied, no matter how much sexual activity they have
• affects the quality of their relationships
• causes them to seek “risky” sex

Causes

What constitutes a normal sex drive differs for everyone, and people are likely to desire sex more at different times in their lives.

Sex drive depends on factors such as:

• age
• mental health status
• energy levels
• physical health status
• relationship status
• social interactions
• medication, alcohol, or drug use

Age and hormones

Hormonal changes play a big role in sexual desire.

For young people, hormonal surges caused by puberty can trigger feelings of sexual desire for the first time. Hormones will continue to affect a person’s libido throughout their life.

Some older research also suggests a possible association between higher testosterone levels in men and having a higher sex drive.

Mental health

Stress levels can also influence how sexually charged a person feels.

In times of high stress, some people might feel low sexual desire, while others might seek sexual satisfaction as a stress reliever.

Physical fitness and energy levels

ResearchTrusted Source has found that physically fit people are more likely to desire sex and enjoy heightened arousal and better orgasms.

Relationships

Having enjoyable sexual experiences, either with others or through masturbation, might also lead to an increased desire for sex. Intimacy between sexual partners has been shown to have a significant effectTrusted Source on the male sex drive.

On the other hand, if a person is unable to feel satisfied — either through a lack of sex or unsatisfying sexual experiences — their sex drive might also increase.

Substance use

Alcohol consumption lowers inhibitions, which might increase libido in the short term. However, alcohol dependency might decrease sexual arousal, performance, and satisfaction.

The use of stimulant drugs, such as cocaineTrusted Source, may also increase sexual desire but has links to increased “risky” sex in men who have sex with menTrusted Source and in young adultsTrusted Source.

The female reproductive system

Sexual desire can fluctuate throughout the menstrual cycle and often peaks around the time of ovulation. This is when testosterone levels are at their highest.

Ovulation is the time in the menstrual cycle when sperm can fertilize an egg. So, biologically speaking, it makes sense for females to feel more desire for sex around this time, as they are usually more likely to become pregnant.

For those acting on their increased sexual desire at this time but not wishing to become pregnant, it is especially important to use contraception carefully.

The male reproductive system

High testosterone levels are also linked to high sex drive in men. Testosterone production is usually at its peak at around 17 years of age, and levels tend to remain high for 2–3 decades after that.

This is also peak time for masturbation as an outlet for satisfying sexual desire. As men age, however, their testosterone levels tend to decrease, which can lead to a decrease in sexual desire.

Is it possible to have too high a sex drive?

Having a high sex drive only tends to become problematic when it gets in the way of other important aspects of life or if a person feels compelled to seek sexual activity in a way that feels out of control. This is known as compulsive sexual behavior.

Sometimes, when the libidos of sexual partners are not compatible, it can cause friction in the relationship.

How to lower libido

For anyone worried that their sex drive is very high and needs addressing, there are some strategies that might help.

The following are some things to try to lower sex drive:

Try talking therapy

If having a high sex drive is making a person unhappy, a counselor can help them explore their thoughts, feelings, and desires around sex.

They can help the person find ways to manage their sexual desire and any issues associated with it.

Try distraction

Engaging in sexual activities, either with a partner or through masturbation, is likely to perpetuate the need for more sex. So, if a person is keen to lower their sex drive, it may be worth trying not to act on every sexual impulse.

Distracting the mind with some form of physical exercise or an absorbing task might help a person channel this energy elsewhere.

Allow time for a relationship

People with a lower sex drive may misinterpret any intimate gesture by the other as a bid to have sex.

It may help to agree to be intimate without having sex. For example, go on a date or give each other a massage to show care for the other person — not so that they are more likely to agree to have sex.

Consider medication

If other strategies do not seem to work, it may be worth talking to a doctor about possible next steps.

Certain medications, such as antidepressants, may lower libido. A doctor may also suggest changing or lowering any current medications, if this is what is causing the increased arousal.

Doctors may also suggest consuming anaphrodisiacs — such as soy, licorice, hops, and various herbs — that may help lower libido.

For most people, having a high sex drive is a perfectly natural part of life that comes and goes depending on many factors.

It is usually nothing to worry about, but if it is causing stress or affecting other parts of life, it may be worth trying to channel this increased sexual energy into a different activity.

In extreme cases, a person can try seeking professional help.

Every couple experiences situations where one person’s sexual needs do not align with their partner’s. These situations are called sexual interdependence dilemmas.

Mismatched sex drives, or sex drive discrepancy (SDD), is the most common of these situations.

A 2017 study even found that around 34% of women and 15% of men report having no interest in sex at all.

This article explores mismatched sex drives, what causes the issue, how it can affect relationships, and what couples can do to manage the situation.

Sex drive is the motivation or desire to behave sexually or engage in sexual activities.

Also called libido, sexual desire is an aspect of a person’s sexuality. It varies from person to person. There is no such thing as a normal sex drive. People’s interest in and desire for sex is different and may change over time.

Sex drive mismatch is when one person experiences more or less sexual desire compared with their partner.

Types of sex drive

Author and researcher Emily Nagoski notes two types of sexual desire in her book.

Spontaneous sexual desire

As the name implies, this form of desire happens randomly, with or without stimulation. This desire supports the linear view of sexuality that begins with desire, followed by excitement, finally leading to orgasm.

Nagoski states that around 70% of men have this type of sexual desire while only about 10–20% of women do.

Responsive sexual desire

Some people experience desire as a response to mental or physical stimulation, not from the anticipation of it. Compared with spontaneous desire, responsive sexual desire is more deliberate.

It occurs after an external stimulus, such as watching a kissing scene on television or a partner touching them. This causes a person to feel a desire for sex.

What can affect sex drive?

People’s sex drives tend to wax and wane. Many factors can affect sex drive.

Medical factors

Conditions that affect a person’s hormones, including pregnancy and menopause, can cause changes in a female’s libido.

Similarly, males produce less testosterone as they age, which can cause a decline in their sex drives.

Some may have conditions that indirectly affect libido, such as depression. Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) is when a person lacks the desire or motivation to have sex.

Read more on female sexual interest/arousal disorder here.

Taking certain medications such as beta-blockers and antidepressants can also negatively affect a person’s libido.

Aside from medical reasons, other factors can affect a sex drive of a person in a long-term relationship, as outlined in a 2018 systematic reviewTrusted Source.

Individual factors

These are factors that reside within the person that can affect sex drive. The following may cause sex drive to change over time:

• level of attraction
• understanding among couples that sexual desires fluctuate
• feelings of having a separate identity from the couple’s identity
• self-esteem and confidence

Stress and fatigue may negatively impact sex drives.

Interpersonal factors

These are factors that exist within the context of long-term relationships. They include:

• the couple’s responsiveness to each other
• perceived compatibility
• communication
• relationship satisfaction

The 2018 reviewTrusted Source also mentioned that sexual desire decreases as the relationship lengthens, but this was only true for women. Emotional intimacy also increases desire, and higher levels of intimacy reduce the likelihood of having low desire.

Monotony and being overfamiliar with a partner dampen sexual desire.

Societal factors

These are societal influences that affect a couple’s sexual desire. These include gender expectations, expectations for couples to participate equally in the relationship, and sexual attitudes that people may consider taboo.

How can it affect relationships?

When people do not address mismatched sex drives, it may lead to an unpleasant relationship dynamic.

Partners with high sex drives who repeatedly experience rejection may develop low self-esteem and resentment toward their partners, while the people with low sex drives may feel guilty, overwhelmed, and pressured.

A 2015 study suggests that sex drive discrepancy negatively affects sexual and relational satisfaction. However, these outcomes might be more pronounced in people in long-term relationships compared with those in short-term ones.

Low sexual satisfaction seems to have a compounding effect on overall satisfaction. While high sexual satisfaction reported by couples contributes to 15–20%Trusted Source of their overall satisfaction, reports of low sexual satisfaction in couples contribute to 50–70%Trusted Source of their overall satisfaction.

Management techniques

Couples can consider several tips and strategies to reduce the discrepancy and improve their sex lives.

Be comfortable talking about sex

While sex can be a sensitive subject, especially when there is a mismatch in libido, talking about it is essential. Respectfully communicating about each other’s feelings, insecurities, desires, and the reason for the low desire can lead to a better understanding of the issue.

Be understanding

Even if a partner does not understand the other person’s experience or situation, showing empathy through validation, listening, and withholding judgment can help couples navigate the mismatch better.

Having a safe space where couples can freely talk about their differences without being critical or defensive can help rekindle the spark.

Make compromises

Sometimes, some people are just not as sexual as their partners. A person with low libido can meet their partner halfway by still engaging in sex despite having a low sex drive.

A 2015 study found that partners with high communal strength or those who are motivated to care about and be more responsive to their partners reported enhanced sexual and relationship satisfaction.

However, couples willing to compromise are not restricted to sex. They can also consider alternatives.

In a 2020 studyTrusted Source on couples’ strategies for dealing with differences in sexual desire, masturbation is the most common strategy reported by participants.

Other alternatives to penetrative sex include oral sex, manual stimulation, and using sex toys on each other. Couples can also engage in activities that may trigger desire, such as watching intimate movies together.

Redefine sex

Many couples think that sex is limited to penetration.

However, oral sex and mutual masturbation are alternatives to penetration that couples can enjoy.

Schedule it

Life is hectic. Scheduling sex can help couples plan and work around their schedules, so there are no competing demands to worry about.

Planning sex can help map out the best time when both people have the most energy. It can also help build anticipation and ensure that both are physically, emotionally, and mentally ready for sex.

Set the tone

While sexual intercourse lasts only for a few minutes, the events beforehand are just as important. Aside from kissing and touching, everything else that happens before sex is part of foreplay.

Making pleasure and satisfaction a part of their whole day can help people’s bodies prepare for sexual pleasure.

Driving a partner to work, preparing their food, having a thoughtful conversation, and giving them compliments are just some of the things couples can do to set the mood.

Where to find support

Certified therapists and counselors can help people and couples manage mismatched libidos.

Couples can locate a certified counselor or therapist near them through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists’ (AASECT) referral directory.

Alternatively, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists has over 15,000 marriage and family therapists for married couples who require help with their relationships.

Couples may also try online platforms such as ReGain to seek couples counseling.

When to contact an expert

Many couples believe that having mismatched sex drives is a private matter and that doctors cannot help.

However, since many factors may cause low libido, talking with a trusted health practitioner may help a person better understand their sexual health and what they can do to improve it. They may request tests to rule out conditions that may affect libido.

Couples who are still experiencing problems with mismatched libidos can seek support from a certified sex therapist to help teach them to communicate in a non-judgmental environment, process underlying issues and unresolved conflicts, and offer plans and suggestions to improve their relationship and sex life.

Counseling may also be another option for couples to address their sexual intimacy issues.

Having mismatched sex drives is a common sexual problem that couples rarely talk about. Not talking about or addressing it can make things worse.

With empathy, understanding, strategies, and sometimes professional help, couples can address the issues, reignite the passion, and improve their sexual and relationship satisfaction.