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Some people seem to be born with a relatively plentiful portion of confidence. They appear to bounce along with a robustness that breeds envy and pop back up after they get knocked down. The good news is that you, too, can build confidence. It doesn’t matter if you lack it; it is still yours to experience now as you continue to work on growing it over time.
Learning how to build confidence is part of the process of evolving into ourselves. Here is how you can build your confidence.
1. Connect With Yourself
Confidence and connection go together since we are most confident when accurate. We aren’t trying to be someone else, please others, or live a life dictated by “should.”
We build and emit confidence when we are true to ourselves. To be accurate, get clear on your purpose and your values. Trying to embody the meaning and importance of others will leave you feeling cheap and fake.
Ask yourself, what are the things you know you need and want?
Ask yourself what you want your legacy to be remembered for—by people you know and people you interact with only briefly.
Authenticity is also incredibly appealing to others. When you receive positive feedback from others who appreciate the authentic you, a positive cycle will start where your confidence improves how others perceive you, and others’ perception increases your confidence.
2. Open up
Open up to the world and get curious about what’s happening around you. When we get curious, we become lifelong learners, which helps to quiet our inner critic.
With the learner present, we are not operating out of anxiety, fear, or worry. We are less likely to shut down our ideas, dreams, or plans.
Building confidence depends on openness. When we believe that options exist and that gifts are to be found in challenges, we find a way to thrive.
We feel relaxed knowing we are living in the land of possibility. There is hope—a promise of what is to come. We are energized by what can be as we build confidence through growth and knowledge.
3. Notice How You Show up
Building confidence requires being yourself without apology.
Full permission to be you is about stepping into your greatness. It’s about being responsible for your impact but not holding back. It says to yourself that you matter and add self-care to your daily life.
Knowing that you matter builds confidence. The question then becomes how you can lean into that truth.
The best way to remember that you matter and ignite your sparks is to develop a daily grounding practice.
When we invite awe, wonder, and gratitude into our lives, we tap into that special knowing that lives inside us. Our sage selves become connected to the rest of us, and the rest of us becomes attached to something more significant.
Another way to know we matter is to surround ourselves with people who genuinely care about us.
These people are a constant source of support and help you feel like the best version of yourself.
Please do your best to cultivate healthy relationships with friends and family members. They are vital to building your confidence.
4. Forget About Your Screw-ups
We all make mistakes, and the key when you want to build confidence is to learn from them instead of letting them make you question your self-worth.
Repair anything that needs fixing, apologize for anything that asks for a sincere “I’m sorry,” be part of the solution, and then let the screw-ups go.
Going over your mistakes is a great way to see where you get stuck, but repeating them repeatedly doesn’t help you or anyone else. That kind of self-flagellation only harms your spirit.
The repeated critical review of yourself only makes for a less-than-ideal version of you. To build the confidence you want to be your kind, thoughtful teacher.
Adopt the personality of a wise old sage who sees you as a beautiful, messy human. That sage would speak gently to you, not overstating the lesson, and lead you to new insights with a sweet affirmation that you are whole, wonderful, and capable.
The cool thing is this sage lives in you. Sit with it when you screw up and see what it has to say to help you build confidence.
5. Immerse Yourself in Creativity
When we create, we bypass the stuff in our heads that has us questioning ourselves—the thoughts that make us self-conscious, stall, and paralyze.
You might think you aren’t creative, but the more realistic truth is that you haven’t tapped into your creativity in a long time, so it feels lost[1]. It doesn’t matter if you are not an artist. We are creative with our thoughts, how we tell a story or a joke, arrange flowers in a vase, solve a problem, or help a friend.
To build confidence, we want to be in our bodies and minds, alive in the spirit, not only analyzing up in our noggin. Faith asks us to be all in, and creativity helps get us there.
6. Dance Through Your Days
By approaching your days with the attitude that there are gems to be found, you are confirming that you are not managing your circumstances but leading yourself through your days and that your life is essential.
Think about when you are preparing to take action. Are you reacting or creating? Is there a chance to bring in humor? What are you saying yes to?
Approaching things with the understanding that you have choices and can set yourself up for success, even if the options are trim, lets you feel confident.
Ask yourself what you need to be successful, and make a list. It can have support, quiet time, a break, music, a deadline, or a conversation.
Customize the list, and don’t assume that one list will serve all days or all hurdles.
You move from feeling like a victim to being the captain of your ship when you decide to dance through your days and not push through them. Building confidence counts on this perspective.
To help with perspective shifts, take a bird’s eye view of what you feel you have no control over. Soak in that view and ask that bird what it sees.
You will see new ways of handling things. With wings out and the vantage point from 5,000 feet up, your confidence will soar because of the space, wisdom, and compassion you placed between yourself and your circumstance.
7. Embrace Failure
When we shy away from Failure, we are attempting to prevent it. We go into protective mode.
The energy, thoughts, and actions that ensue from seeking to protect ourselves from Failure undermine our confidence. We become wobbly and vigilant. Vigilance involves tightness—a contraction. To build trust, we need to expand.
The only way we can do that is to take risks. We are designed for growth, so the more we move into finding, living, and creating from ourselves, the more we build our confidence.
Without risk, we stagnate. We repeat the status quo over and over again, not evolving.
Risk is a great teacher and forger. It’s a co-creator in forming our identity and realizing our dreams. As a result, risk can build confidence.
The more we take risks, the more we develop resilience when the risk doesn’t pan out. In trying to avoid Failure, we stay small[2].
Smallness is not what is going to get us where we want to go, nor is it going to build confidence.
8. Never Speak Against Yourself
You should always do your best to offer constructive feedback regarding your actions, but there is no need for judgment or harshness. Confidence is built with love, not false praise, but honest kindness that affirms and boosts.
Don’t be shy about celebrating your victories, no matter how tiny. Confidence is built by letting your body and mind soak in what is going well—what you did that was awesome, what is unique about you, etc.
9. Choose a Goal
When you choose goals you want to work towards, you instill a sense of motivation that will push you toward the things you want to achieve. As you achieve significant and small goals, you build confidence in your abilities to get where you want.
Start with short-term goals and then create long-term plans. Your confidence will soar when you see a brighter future for yourself through what you are accomplishing.
10. Enjoy the Process!
Don’t take yourself too seriously. If you laugh and play while building your confidence, you will be more confident and increase your joy.
Final Thoughts
Did you notice that these steps spell out confidence? If you’re feeling creative and motivated, try making your acronym list with things you believe will help you build confidence in your daily life.
Each day, cultivate positive self-talk and be your cheerleader as you work on becoming the best version of yourself. Everyone has to start somewhere, so choose one of the tips above and begin your confidence journey.
