Grief is a natural response to loss, and there is no one “right” way to grieve. Everyone experiences grief differently, and the grieving process can take time. It’s important to allow yourself to feel and process your emotions, rather than trying to suppress them.
If you are struggling with intense or prolonged grief, or if your grief is interfering with your ability to function, it may be helpful to seek support from a mental health professional. They can provide you with tools to cope with your grief and help you navigate the grieving process.
It may be that after a while the responses being displayed by someone suddenly bereaved are ‘normal’ grief responses common following any kind of death including expected deaths, and which don’t require any sort of specialist care to aid recovery.
For example, feelings of sadness and grief, yearning for the person who died, and crying. However, it is not uncommon, or unusual, to suffer more than this following a sudden death.
The guidance on this page provides information on disorders (health conditions) that can commonly follow a sudden bereavement and appropriate care.
This page is quite long. However, it is meant for general guidance only and expert mental health professionals should always be used to assess anyone who might, or might not, have a mental health disorder.
People with PGD may experience symptoms such as:
- Intense and persistent feelings of sadness and longing for the person who died
- Difficulty accepting the reality of the loss
- Experiencing emotional pain that is often described as more intense than expected
- Difficulty moving forward or finding meaning in life without the person who died
- Avoidance of reminders of the person who died
- Difficulty sleeping or concentrating
- Feelings of anger or bitterness
- Feeling disconnected from other people or activities that used to bring joy
Complex or prolonged grief disorders
Complex or prolonged grief disorders are bereavement reactions that are more challenging than those generally suffered after bereavement, and which are chronic (they do not go away after the early weeks).
A sudden bereavement is more likely to result in these reactions than an expected bereavement.
- Excessive irritability
- Anger and bitterness, sometimes in sudden bouts
- Continued insomnia and nightmares
- The feeling of unfairness at the death or issues around the death
- Strong feelings of personal responsibility for the death, and/or unfinished business with the person who has died
- A sense that the world as they understood it has been shattered
- Intrusive thoughts about the bereavement, that happen suddenly, when trying to get on with other things
- Difficulty socializing and avoidance of social situations
- Difficulty functioning; difficulty doing daily tasks such as finding it hard to cope with stressful moments at work or stresses when caring for children
- Feelings of futility about the future: what is the point of it all? Disinterest in planning for the future
- These reactions and behaviors lasting more than two months after the bereavement
People suffering from these kinds of reactions are likely to have constant and intrusive thoughts that revolve around thinking about the person who died all the time, wanting to be with them, and seeing the person who died everywhere they look.
They may have anxious, depressive or suicidal thoughts. They may suffer phobias and fears associated with the bereavement. For example, not wishing to travel by road if bereaved by a road crash.
People with such reactions may develop addictions or increase addictive behaviours they had before, such as use of alcohol, cigarettes or drugs (legal or illegal). They may suffer weight loss or weight gain. They may have on-going physical reactions such as pains, illness, or manifestations of stress such as stuttering.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
PTSD is a condition that can develop following a stressful event. A sudden bereavement is definitely a stressful event .
PTSD symptoms generally start within a month , and it is thought that in about a third of cases, symptoms are still being suffered more than a year later if appropriate care is not provided.
Many of the thoughts and reactions typical of PTSD are the same as those given to explain complex or prolonged grief disorders. It is possible for a suddenly bereaved person to be defined as suffering from a grief disorder and PTSD.
People diagnosed as suffering from PTSD often have recurring thoughts about the horror of the event that has traumatised them. This can manifest itself through vivid flashbacks when it feels as though the event, or events surrounding it, are happening again. People with PTSD may suffer upsetting nightmares and intense distress when reminded of the event. Exaggerated startle responses in response to perceived threats, such as loud noises, are common.
People suffering from PTSD often suffer fears that similar events might happen or even a belief that they will happen. This sense may be reinforced if the person has had more than one traumatic event happen to them in their life.
People suffering from PTSD may try to avoid things associated with the event. Reminders of the event arouse intense distress and a sense of detachment and unreality. For example, someone bereaved by a road crash and suffering PTSD symptoms may find it very hard to be near roads. These people have a loss of a sense of safety and feel particularly powerless and isolated, but also may display self-destructive or reckless behavior.
Finding out if someone is suffering from a grief disorder or PTSD
Family doctors care very much when one of their patients is bereaved. However, GPs may have limited knowledge about grief disorders and PTSD and appropriate assessment and treatment. If you are a GP or talking to a GP the below information may help.
Diagnosis for grief disorders or PTSD is usually carried out using a questionnaire, based on accepted diagnostic criteria , as defined by respected organizations such as the American Psychiatric Association or the British Psychological Society. The USA diagnostic criteria is published in its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), and in the UK, guidance on PTSD is given by the National Collaborating Centre for Mental Health and commissioned by the National Institute for Clinical Excellence. These criteria and guidance are subject to change over time as research into grief and PTSD develops.
To consider if someone might benefit from an assessment of PTSD, for example, it is possible to consider their answers to these questions:
- Do you have very distressing thoughts or flashbacks about the traumatic event when you don’t want to, or have nightmares about it?
- Do you avoid situations that remind you of it?
- Are you easily startled and feel as though there are threats around you?
- Do you feel detached from other people or activities?
- Is it more than a month since the event?
If they answered ‘no’ to the above questions, they may still be suffering a grief disorder, particularly if they answer ‘yes’ to the below questions:
- Do you have intrusive and frequent thoughts about the death of your loved one, when you are trying to think about other things?
- Is it more than two months after the death and you are still finding it very hard to accept the death has happened and consider the future positively?
Talking to a suddenly bereaved person about a grief disorder or PTSD and tailoring their care
Diagnosing someone as having a grief disorder or PTSD can aid understanding of the gravity of their needs and help them to access the right treatment and also access empathetic care in the community, for example from social workers or bereavement services.
It is not a sign of weakness, or unusual, that the bereaved person is suffering a disorder, and important that they get the correct help and support.
It is essential that treatment delivered to the suddenly bereaved person for their grief disorder or PTSD addresses the sudden bereavement centrally, recognising that this is the cause of their condition.
It is also essential that treatment is devised and delivered that is appropriate for the suddenly-bereaved person’s situation. It is not uncommon for suddenly bereaved people to be suffering other life challenges that make it harder for them to recover from thoughts and reactions resulting from their grief disorder and/or PTSD. Some challenges may pre-date their bereavement, but others may be a consequence. Some challenges may be appropriate to deal with first, before providing care for an identified grief disorder or PTSD, for example alcoholism. Other challenges, such as some marriage difficulties, may be made easier to deal with by providing care for a grief disorder or PTSD first.
Consideration should be given to:
- the responses being displayed in the past, now, the amount they occur and therefore the amount of disruption they cause to normal happy living;
- any previous traumatic events that happened to the person that may need addressing. A previous traumatic event may not have been recovered from, and may reinforce that “terrible things happen to me and will happen again”. Or conversely, someone may have recovered from a previous traumatic event and learned from that experience that recovery is fully possible and recovery can happen again;
- the stability of a bereaved person’s personal situation; for example, their support network of friends and family, their financial stability, any problems being faced at work, and whether they have a safe home. Some factors may be apparent, and others may be hidden, such as relationship difficulties or domestic abuse;
- the responsibilities of this person; for example their work situation, or whether they are having to care for dependents such as children, elderly people, or a disabled person; and
- any other major issues in the person’s life that impacts upon them; for example, chronic physical or mental illness, or addictions.
Sometimes suddenly bereaved people have medical conditions that also make it harder to recover from their grief disorder and / or PTSD. These conditions may pre-date a bereavement or be associated with the bereavement. Physical illnesses that are permanent and pre-date the bereavement, such as asthma, heart conditions, epilepsy or diabetes, mean there are existing pressures on the suddenly bereaved person in addition to suffering a grief disorder and/or PTSD. Sufferers of clinical depression may be taking medication or suffering suicidal thoughts or both, again adding to the challenges faced in addition to the effects of the bereavement.
Examples of medically-defined conditions include:
- Clinical depression, often treated with anti-depressants
- Injuries, sometimes caused in the same event (such as a road crash) that caused the death
- Existing permanent illnesses, such as heart conditions, epilepsy or diabetes
- Alcohol or drug addiction
Achieving this full understanding of a person’s situation will enable carers to devise support that is tailored to the individual and therefore more likely to be of benefit. In some cases, it may be necessary to address other challenges in a person’s life, such as drug addiction, before a grief disorder or PTSD can be treated effectively.
Care for people suffering a grief disorder and/or PTSD
It is usually best practice to treat traumatic grief and / or PTSD with therapy (sometimes called counselling) using cognitive behavioural techniques tailored to the individual’s needs. This means talking through things with a therapist (sometimes called a counsellor) in a number of one-to-one sessions (usually between 10 and 25, and usually lasting about an hour each). In these sessions it is usually the case that the suddenly bereaved person will:
- Address the event and try to come to terms with what is known to have happened. This can be achieved through talk, writing, visiting the scene, or other methods.
- Talk about any painfully-upsetting aspect of the event that is presumed (imagined) and therefore may not be true, to enable these thoughts to be corrected and stopped .
- Talk about any unfinished business with the person who has died. For example, any feelings of guilt or lost plans.
- Talk about the future and find a way to think positively about it.
The therapist assigned will need to be qualified and experienced in providing this therapy. Ask them how many times they have worked with people suddenly bereaved, and the success of their work. It is also important for the suddenly bereaved person to feel they have a trusting and positive relationship with their therapist. If they don’t connect well with their therapist, it is always possible to change, and suddenly bereaved people should be encouraged to keep trying therapy with a different therapist, and not be “put off” by an unsuccessful first attempt.
It may or may not be possible to get this therapy for free, quickly, or there may be delays. Sudden case workers can assist obtaining access.
Medical professionals who are not familiar with grief disorders or PTSD may suggest that prescribing drugs is the first answer, particularly anti-depressants, sleeping tablets, or anti-anxiety drugs. Generally, while drugs may offer some immediate relief from some symptoms, this is not believed at present to be the best first route of care . It can be harder to consider and address grief and trauma responses while taking medication.