Romance scammers create fake profiles on dating sites and apps or contact their targets through popular social media sites like Instagram, Facebook, or Google Hangouts. The scammers strike up a relationship with their targets to build their trust, sometimes talking or chatting several times a day. Romance scams occur when a criminal adopts a fake online identity to gain a victim’s affection and trust. The scammer then uses the illusion of a romantic or close relationship to manipulate and/or steal from the victim.
Online dating scams – also known as romance scams or romance fraud – take place when someone believes they have made a connection or match through an online dating site or app – but the person they are talking to is, in fact, a scammer using a fake profile. The scammer manipulates or grooms the other person to gain their trust over time – ultimately so they can either ask them for money or obtain enough personal information about them to steal their identity.
This type of crime is on the rise. In 2016, the US Federal Trade Commission received 11,235 complaints about dating and romance scams. By 2020, that figure had risen to 52,593. Losses to online dating scams in the US topped $300 million in 2020. In the UK, the equivalent figure was £68 million. The coronavirus pandemic – which prevented in-person meetings and led to people spending more time online – provided conditions that romance scammers could exploit.
While anyone can fall victim to romance scams, older people often suffer a heavier financial loss. Scammers target older people because they are more likely to have assets such as retirement funds or homes, which they can steal. It is believed that around two-thirds of romance fraud victims are women, with an average age of 50.
Online dating fraud is especially cruel since it plays on people’s emotions. This overview explains common online dating scams, the signs of a romance scammer, how to report a dating scammer, and how to protect yourself from online dating fraudsters.
What are the most common online dating scams?
Most dating scams start innocently enough. Scammers may create fake profiles which look as appealing as possible and wait for victims to reach out and begin the conversation. Or they may contact victims themselves, perhaps claiming common interests or a distant, mutual connection. Once a scammer has you hooked, the possibilities are limitless, but here are some of the most well-known variations:
Military romance scams
With military romance scams, fraudsters may use the name and likeness of an actual soldier or create an entirely fake profile. They send out legitimate-seeming messages, perhaps introducing themselves as near the end of their careers, often with older children and typically widowed under tragic circumstances. The messages are riddled with military jargon, titles, and base locations, which sound impressive. They start to build a strong emotional connection, but before physical introductions can occur, the “soldier” is deployed.
Then come requests for money – perhaps to set up a reliable internet connection, pay for flights home or supplement supposed limitations on military medical coverage or retirement planning. In many cases, these scammers work with one or more accomplices who pose as doctors or lawyers to extract a steady stream of money. Military romance scams can drag on for months or even years before victims finally get suspicious.
Military romance scams are so common that the US Army has produced a detailed fact sheet on spotting romance scammers posing as American soldiers posted abroad.
Intimate activity scams
Here, victims are contacted by potential suitors living abroad and “friended” on multiple social media sites. After an intense courtship period, the scammer asks the victim to connect with them via webcam so they can chat. The fraudster’s webcam is mysteriously broken, but they heap praise on their victim and, through a combination of flattery and persistence, convince their “partner” to partially undress or perform other intimate acts. The scammer then reveals their true identity. They claim to have made a video recording and threaten to share the video with mutual social media friends or post the recording online unless the victim sends money. Once the victim complies, the cycle begins – demands increase until the victim finally refuses.
Fake dating sites
A slightly different proposition to regular scam websites, scam dating sites are dating services that claim to offer legitimate meetups but are either severely underpopulated or awash with scammers. A popular scam involves sites that ask you to create a profile specifically to mine your information. Look out for sign-up questionnaires that are light on dating details but heavy on questions about finances or ask for information like your mother’s maiden name or your first school (i.e. answers to common security questions).
Some free online dating sites may seem legitimate at first but will reveal they’re true colors once you’ve been a member for a while. You may receive an offer for a free premium membership or some other exclusive perk in exchange for completing a survey that contains similar questions to those used for banking. You should never reveal any information that can be used to access private or financial details, no matter what incentives you are being offered.
Also, watch out for an influx of attention soon after you’ve created your profile. If all your profile contains is a few lines of text, no photo, and no set preferences, but you start getting message after message from potential suitors, the chances are you’ve stumbled across dating site fraud.
Code verification scams
This is one of the common Tinder scams. It involves an email or text asking you to verify your Tinder account. The message may claim that Tinder is updating its records and asking you to verify your account. In other iterations of the scam, an online Tinder match may ask you to verify before engaging in any future communication.
In these examples, the scammer encourages you to click on a third-party link to verify your account. Once you click through, you’ll be asked for personal data like your name, address, phone number, email, Social Security number, birth date, and even your bank account or credit card details.
Tinder does include verified accounts, but this is done in-house at Tinder. To get the blue check-mark next to their profile name, users are directed by the app to take a series of selfies, which are then compared to the photos on their profile to check they match. So be very wary of any other means of “verifying”.
Malware scams
Malware is a common threat online, including on dating sites. On Tinder, for example, a match may have several exchanges with you and then offer you further information on their personal web page or even fake Facebook or Instagram profiles.
These pages aren’t legitimate, however. Instead, you’re being directed to a web page that contains malware and spam that can allow scammers to steal your personal data, leading to identity theft and financial fraud. Generally, whenever anyone on an online dating site is keen to direct you to another site, it should be considered a potential red flag.
Photo scams
This is where the scammer encourages the victim to send their contact details in exchange for intimate photos of the scammer. In reality, the scammer is fishing for personal data, or it could even be a fraudulent bot operation that plays on emotion and excitement (through the offer of revealing photos) to gain access to the victim’s data – which can then be used for financial fraud.
Inheritance scams
This is when the scammer claims they need to marry to inherit millions of dollars worth of gold left by a father, uncle, or grandfather. Marriage is, supposedly, a pre-requisite of the male relative’s will. A young woman contacts the victim to say she cannot remove the gold from her country since she cannot pay the duty or marriage taxes.
Once the scammer has built up enough of a rapport with their victim, they ask for money to help them bring the gold into the victim’s country. The scammer offers to fly to the victim’s country to prove they are genuine – so the victim sends money for the flight. Needless to say, the scammer never arrives.
Online dating scam variations
While some of these stories may seem improbable, it’s important to remember that those who fall victim are often lonely or vulnerable. Scammers are skilled at playing on emotions and grooming their victims over time. Narratives that often appear in online dating scams include:
- The scammer says they need the victim to send them money to pay for flights (or sometimes a passport) to visit the victim’s country.
- The scammer needs the victim to pay their phone bills or buy a new laptop so they can keep communicating with the victim.
- The scammer needs money to pay for medical treatment, either for themselves or a close family member.
- The scammer says they have valuables that have been seized by Customs, and they need to pay taxes before they can recover their items and join the victim in their country.
- The scammer says their boss has paid them in postal money orders and asks the victim to cash the forged money orders and then wire the money to the scammer. The bank eventually reverts the money cash order but not the wire transfer.
- The scammer needs money to complete their education before they can visit the victim.
You often hear the terms catfishing or catfish scams in relation to romance fraud. Catfishing refers to someone creating a fictional persona or identity on a social media or dating site to target a specific victim. Besides financial gain, catfishing motivations can sometimes be simply to cause distress or harm or possibly enable the perpetrator to carry out a fantasy or wish fulfillment. The term derives from a 2010 MTV documentary called Catfish.
Romance scam warnings signs: What to look out for
Regardless of platform or app – Facebook catfish scams, Instagram dating scams, Plenty of Fish scams, Snapchat meetup scams, and so on – warning signs of online dating scams include:
They try to move you off the dating app or site quickly:
This is because online dating apps often have customer care teams who monitor strange behavior. If they notice a user sending the same message to numerous users or other unusual activity, they may flag it as suspicious. To avoid this, scammers try to move you to another platform such as WhatsApp or similar. They may use excuses like “My membership is about to expire”, “I don’t like logging in here every day”, or “It’s easier to chat on WhatsApp than here”.
The discussion turns romantic very quickly.
A common trend in catfish scams is for the imposter to get very serious very quickly. They may bombard you with extravagant compliments and claim to be falling in love with you. Perhaps they claim to have a special bond with you or tell you that you’re their soulmate and that they’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Victims usually report that this shift occurs early on.
The scammer asks you a lot of questions about yourself.
This is because the more they know about you, the easier you will be to manipulate. The scammer will spin a tale about him or herself as well and may invite you to start talking over the phone. This stage can last for weeks, even months.
Their story is inconsistent.
If someone is telling untruths, it can be easy to forget what they have said before. Also, scammers sometimes operate in teams, with different people hiding behind one identity. So, if the person you’re talking to seems inconsistent, be suspicious. If parts of their story don’t match what they previously said, that could indicate they are lying.
Their profile photo looks like a model.
Catfish scams use attractive profile pictures to keep the victim hooked. Often, these are pictures of actors or models or perhaps even a stock image. If a profile picture looks too good to be true, it’s simple to check if the image is real. A reverse image search will show if their profile picture has been used anywhere else on the internet.
They don’t have a digital footprint.
Whilst some people don’t use social media and try to minimize the amount of personal information about them on the internet, it can be suspicious if you can’t find any trace of a person online.
They use borrowed text.
Scammers often don’t bother writing their profile text or messages but instead copy them from other websites or dating profiles. To check, you can run suspicious text through an online search to see if any matches come up. If they do, don’t message back or respond.
They won’t Skype or video call you or meet in person.
They always find a reason why they can’t do this. People who are scammed generally report that the other person made constant excuses to avoid going on camera. The obvious reason is that they don’t look like the person in their profile picture. They also want to avoid being identified to prevent being tracked down afterwards.
Their life sounds like a soap opera.
A common theme in catfish scams is for the imposters to create elaborate stories involving illness, family tragedies, or major accidents that generate sympathy and help to postpone a face-to-face meeting. If your potential date has a life story that seems unbelievable, it could be a scam.
They live far away.
Fraudsters try to cultivate long-distance relationships because it means they have an excuse not to meet their target. This gives them time to groom their victim and obtain their trust. The stories they tell will include a reason that makes it challenging to meet in person. Or else they arrange to meet up with their target, only to cancel at the last moment.
They ask you for money.
And, of course, the ultimate sign that you’re talking to a dating scammer is when they ask you for money. All the grooming and manipulation – which may take weeks or months – is leading up to a request for money. They may give various reasons but, needless to say, your answer should be no.
How to report a dating scammer
If you have fallen victim to an online dating scam, don’t be afraid to talk about it. Romance fraud is often under-reported since victims can be too ashamed or embarrassed to tell people once they realize they’ve been fooled.
Different jurisdictions around the world will have different agencies to which you can report a romance scam – for example:
- In the US, you can report online dating scams to the Federal Trade Commission or the FBI’s Internet Crime Complain Center
- In the UK, to Action Fraud
- In Australia, to the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission
It’s also worth reporting the scam to the relevant online dating site or app. Send the scammer’s username and as many relevant details as you can, including conversations and transactions, so the site moderators can take steps to protect anyone else from being targeted.
If you have lost money, you should also contact your bank as soon as possible to explain what has happened.
Online dating safety tips: How to stay safe from online dating fraudsters
Here are 12 tips to avoid the dangers of online dating:
- When using social media sites, don’t accept friend requests from people you don’t know.
- Avoid revealing too much personal information in a dating profile or to someone you’ve chatted with only online. Scammers can exploit details like your last name or place of work to manipulate you or commit identity theft.
- Use reputable dating sites and keep communicating through their messaging service. Fraudsters will want you to switch to text, social media or phone quickly, so there is no evidence on the dating site of them asking you for money.
- Take things slowly. Ask your potential partner questions and watch out for inconsistencies that might reveal an impostor.
- Be wary of overly complimentary messages. Paste the text into a search engine and see whether the same words show up on websites devoted to exposing romance scams.
- Don’t feel a false sense of safety because you’re the one who made first contact. Scammers flood dating apps and websites with fake profiles and wait for victims to come to them.
- Avoid sending compromising photos to online strangers that could later be used for extortion.
- Cut off contact immediately if you begin to suspect that the individual may be a swindler. Notify the dating site or app on which you met the scammer.
- Avoid clicking on links or downloads in user bios or messages sent to you which seem unconnected to the conversation you’re having.
- If you do agree to meet a prospective partner in person, tell family and friends where you are going and meet in a public place. It is not advisable to travel overseas to meet someone you have never met before.
- Never send money or gift cards or disclose your bank details to someone you’ve only met online.
- Be careful what you post and make public online. Scammers can use details shared on social media and dating sites to better understand and target you.
- Research the person’s photo and profile using online searches to see if the image, name, or details have been used elsewhere.
- Go slowly and ask lots of questions.
- Beware if the individual seems too perfect or quickly asks you to leave a dating service or social media site to communicate directly.
- Beware if the individual attempts to isolate you from friends and family or requests inappropriate photos or financial information that could later be used to extort you.
- Beware if the individual promises to meet in person but then always comes up with an excuse why he or she can’t. If you haven’t met the person after a few months, for whatever reason, you have good reason to be suspicious.
- Never send money to anyone you have only communicated with online or by phone.
In general, an important way to stay safe online is by using a comprehensive antivirus solution, such as which protects you against hackers, viruses, and malware.
Online dating scams often prey on vulnerable users. However, by understanding common catfishing scams and how to avoid fraudsters, you can bypass romance fraud and forge genuine connections instead.
What are Instagram Scams?
Instagram scammers use various methods to coerce you into being a victim of theft or an attack. Usually, these cybercriminals are seeking something valuable, like money or confidential information. Some may even try to use you as a vehicle to spread malicious code to loved ones or co-workers.
In any case, you’ll find yourself making a decision that could affect yourself and those around you. The trouble is that the scammers don’t always make it easy to remain rational. Effective scams tend to tap into your emotions and pretend to be trustworthy. The best scammers pay close attention to detail and make it hard to dispute their authenticity.
Your best defense is to be aware of the more popular schemes on Instagram.
Instagram Phishing Risks
Instagram phishing is the most common way scammers hijack your identity and personal accounts. Phishing involves a message that urges or persuades you to take action, usually requesting money or account login details.
Fraudulent messages are disguised as a trusted person or brand you might know, and the illusion of authenticity can be just enough to trick you into giving the hacker what they want.
Instagram itself has identified the following scams:
- Romance – fraudsters ask you for money after gaining your trust, usually through means of flirting or seduction.
- Lottery – scammers claim you’ve won something and request a fee to give you the reward.
- Job – fraud offers to help you earn money if you provide banking info for direct payment.
- Loan – schemes claim to let you borrow money instantly for an advance fee.
- False Investment – scams lead you to make a small investment with claims of growing your money. Cash flipping scams are especially relevant on the platform.
- Paid Subscription fraud – deceives you into paying for discounted access to services like music or movie streaming.
Other specific scams might be a threat to you as well:
- Fake Influencer sponsors – try to fool growing Instagrammers out of their banking details by pretending to be a real brand offering an advertising deal.
- Instagram phishing email – scams might urge you to use a fake login link to appeal against a terms of service strike on your account. Other emails claim suspicious activity that they’ll ask you to log in and verify.
- Giveaways – ask that you give personal info, make a payment, or log into a site in exchange for a prize.
As you can see, phishing relies on gaining your trust or playing on emotions to deceive you. If you’re not careful, you could easily be scared or coerced into becoming a victim.
It’s worth remembering that scammers don’t always rush their plots, and it might take anywhere from days to months before the scam launched.
Eventually, any Instagram fraud scheme has some sort of “ask.” This is the biggest red flag to look out for. If a brand or person has asked you to do something that might put you at risk, you might become a scam victim.
Scammed on Instagram? What to Do Next
If you’ve fallen for an Instagram scam or believe you might be a victim — you should take steps to minimize the damage.
This is because the personal information you’ve handed over could be used to:
- Steal your identity
- Drain your bank accounts
- Breach any of your online accounts
- Ruin your credit
- Spread malware to people you know
With this knowledge, you can act quickly to lock the hacker out of your life long-term. You should also be able to undo some or all of the immediate problems they’ve caused you.
Here are some tips to take action:
Check your bank accounts and credit cards. Browse all your bank activity and statements for anything you don’t remember doing. A scammer that’s got your financial info might make transfers or purchases from your accounts. Don’t just look for big purchases — cybercrimes might keep their spending limited to small splurges. Sometimes, purchases as low as a few dollars have been discovered. If you’ve spotted anything odd, report it to your bank or credit institution to halt any future use.
Change your passwords. You’ll want to change your Instagram password to be safe. But you might have compromised several other accounts if you used a fake login form. If you’ve ever reused passwords and usernames, a scammer can break into more of your accounts. So, be sure to change passwords across all your essential accounts, like banking, social media, email, and anywhere you pay bills or shop online.
Use unique passwords for every online account. In addition to changing your passwords, be sure to make each one challenging and different. If it’s easy for you to remember, it might be easy for a hacker to guess. Passphrases filled with a variety of character types will help you stay secure. Random character strings are the absolute best option. Check your credit and freeze it. Scammers have been known to create new bank accounts and incur all sorts of debt in your name. In case your identity has been stolen, it’s wise to check your credit scores and reports across all three of the major institutions. In the US, Experion, Equifax, and TransUnion each gather info differently, so you’ll want to check all of them (if you’re not a citizen of the United States, you should check your own country’s institutions). Freezing your credit is another vital step towards limiting the issues caused by known identity theft.
Use an ID theft checker service. Services like these will monitor any suspicious activity across your credit, tax returns, investments, etc. To keep an eye out for any other data breaches,
How to Protect Yourself Against Instagram and Facebook Scams
Instagram phishing seems to be sticking around, so you’ll need to be prepared to deal with it. Here are some reliable ways to spot and avoid being a victim of Instagram fraud.
Best Ways to Avoid Fraud on Instagram and Facebook
If a message asks you to “give” something, watch out. Fraud usually mentions bank accounts, selling something, or asking for other personal info. This might include logging into an account or being asked to make a payment for something. If you’ve received any direct messages or emails you find suspicious, proceed with caution.
Enabling two-factor authentication allows you a secondary checkpoint for account logins after your password has been used. This checkpoint requires the person logging in to verify by using another account or device that you own. Types of 2FA offered might include text message, email, in-app prompts, biometrics, or even a physical USB key.
Never use a login link through a message. Always use an official URL and login directly to your accounts. This is especially true for Instagram phishing email fraud. Scammers are hoping that you’ll react to the urgency in their messages and click to login without thinking rationally. Always pause and seek out the real URL. If there is a real problem, an authentic login will make it clear. You can also follow up with an official support email, chat, or customer phone number to confirm.
If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Giveaways, jobs, and other scams get you excited to cloud your judgment. It’s safer to assume that these are rarely ever authentic. If you are unsure, you can contact brands through official channels directly. Search the web for their real website and contact them to ask about the details.
Always search for official accounts before responding to messages. You may be able to spot authentic brands and people by searching for verified accounts (ones with the blue check next to username). Big brands will have links to all official social media from their official website. No Instagram link on their website might mean the brand doesn’t have an official Instagram account.
If a stranger follows you, be suspicious. Many scams involve strangers gaining your trust by building a relationship with you. It is wise to block unknown followers or those who don’t share any mutual followers with you. It might even be better if you set your account to private and only allow people you know to follow you.
If someone you know sends a strange message, contact them directly. Reach the person offline with a phone call or talk to them in person. Ask them if they sent the message. A scammer may be impersonating them and targeting you along with other people they know. They may need to report the account and warn the people around them.
Use an anti-virus program across all your devices. You’ll want to protect yourself from any malware that might have embedded itself into your device (if you’ve clicked a suspicious link).
How To avoid romance scammers and protect yourself
Online dating scams can often end with victims losing money and, in some cases, even being pulled into criminal activity. Besides the financial costs, there may be emotional costs, too. You may feel heartbroken, depressed, or embarrassed after someone you trusted scammed you.
That’s why it’s important to know how to outsmart a romance scammer and how to act fast if you think you’ve been scammed.
1. Be aware of the warning signs
Simply knowing how a romance scammer operates can help you identify and avoid one. Remember some of the red flags and lies romance scammers tell:
- They’re far, far away.
- Their profile seems too good to be true.
- The relationship moves fast.
- They break promises to visit.
- They claim they need money.
- They ask for specific payment methods.
2. Evaluate your online presence
A few basic cybersecurity best practices can help protect you against internet scams. Consider that the more you share, the more scammers know about you — and know how to lure you.
For this reason, consider keeping your online dating profiles anonymous by using different usernames on sites or even different emails to protect your privacy. Also, be careful what you make public online on social media.
3. Approach online relationships slowly
The internet is an incredible place for community, developing friendships, and sometimes even relationships. But it’s always important to take these relationships slowly, vet your new companions thoroughly, and be wary if answers don’t add up.
4. Set up a phone or video chat early
Seeing someone’s face can be a sure-fire way to determine whether they’re real or fake. For this reason, set up a phone or video chat early on in your communications with an online love interest. If they dodge the opportunity, they may be a romance scammer.
5. Don’t send compromising pictures
Never send compromising photos or videos of yourself to someone, especially if you haven’t met them in person. These could be used as blackmail later.
6. Do your own snooping, like a reverse image search
In the age of social media and online dating, everyone has a digital presence waiting to be viewed. Do your homework on your cyber sweetheart by viewing their social media profiles. If their profile is pretty bare or they have no connections, take it a step further with a reverse image search to see whether their photos were used on other sites. To do this:
- Right-click an image of the person.
- Click “copy.”
- Visit images.google.com and paste the image.
Google will show you the websites where the image appears online. If it shows up on a stock photo site or seems to belong to someone else entirely, then it could be part of a scam.
7. Never pay someone you haven’t met, especially someone online
Don’t give out your financial information, top off a cash reload card, or send gifts or money to someone you haven’t met face to face. Never wire money to a stranger or pay anyone with gift cards.
8. If they ask for help, refer them elsewhere
Especially if your other cyber half is located outside of the U.S., be sure to refer them to a U.S. consulate or embassy if they ask for help or money. It’s a reasonable response.
9. Ask someone you trust for a second opinion
When your emotions run deeply with someone, it may be hard to face the reality that they’re not who you think they are. If you ever have an inkling you’re caught up in an online dating scam, step back and ask a trusted friend or family member to give a second opinion about your relationship. They may see some warning signs you didn’t.
10. Stop communicating and report the incident
If you’re suspicious or sure that you’re being scammed, cut off communication immediately, block their phone number or email, if possible, and report the activity.
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