A relationship coach is someone who supports individuals and couples in learning vital skills for relating, especially in marriages and romantic partnerships. Relationship coaches teach you to develop conflict resolution skills and offer tools to deepen intimacy and pleasure.
Coaching is a vibrant and growing field.
According to the 2020 Global Coaching Study released by the International Coaching Federation (ICF; 2020), worldwide there are now more than 71,000 coach practitioners, an increase of 33% from 2015.
Specialization as a coach is vital for success. Many coaches today identify as business coaches, but there are other types of specializations, such as career, nutrition/fitness, leadership, creativity, and spirituality.
This article will discuss the specialization of relationship coaching. It will review job possibilities and training opportunities for coaches and therapists who want to deepen their work with couples.
How to Become a Relationship Coach
Relationship coaching is a professional, client-focused service that supports individuals and couples in learning skills to achieve their relationship goals (Allen, 2016).
Although many people think of relationship coaching as helping romantic relationships (and it can), it is not limited to that. Relationship coaches can also help with a variety of interpersonal relationships, such as employee-to-manager, peer-to-peer, and even team building (Stout-Rostron, 2019).
Here are some examples of relationship coaching specialties from the Academy of Creative Coaching:
- (Online) dating
- Cross-cultural relations
- Family
- Emotional intelligence
- Marriage
- Adoption
- Communication
- Aging parents
- Business relationships
- Military families
- Parenting
- Divorce/separation
- Law of attraction
- Sex and intimacy
As you can see, relationship coaching affords a wide variety of opportunities to empower clients to improve communication, establish boundaries, deepen intimacy, learn conflict resolution for families or kids, and create positive change in relationships (Nelson-Jones, 2006).
Relationship coaching is not the same as couples therapy. Often, with relationship struggles, one or both individuals are coming to therapy with deep wounds, such as trauma or mental illness (Hart, Blattner, & Leipsic, 2001). If that is the case, then therapy is more appropriate. However, coaching can be beneficial for couples who would like to find greater intimacy or learn healthier communication skills.
Because coaching is such a new field, it’s difficult to navigate the world of training. There is one large accrediting body, the ICF, but there are hundreds of programs that are not accredited. In fact, there is no requirement for training or certification at all to call yourself a coach.
However, if you want to be in service to others, you likely want to get the best training possible. For this reason, it is advisable to go with a program that is ICF accredited.
The ICF is currently one of the most rigorous and well-established certification programs in the world. They have a high standard of curriculum, ethics, mentorship, and hours required for programs to be certified. After completing an ICF-accredited program, you can then apply to be an ICF-certified coach.
There are two paths to becoming a relationship coach, depending on the credentials you already have and the type of career you want. First, if you only have a bachelor’s degree or are currently trained or working in a field that has nothing to do with relationship coaching, it is advisable to go through a full life coaching program and, in addition, take some specialty courses in relationship work.
If you are already working as a coach or have a background or license in counseling or therapy, you can quickly obtain a specialization in relationship coaching and shorten your training time.
3 Requirements of Relationship Coaches
Being a relationship coach can be exceptionally demanding. The following skills can be helpful.
1. Empowerment
Coaches must believe that their clients can change.
To coach is to support a client on the path to growth, and a strong belief in the client’s ability to achieve their goals is paramount to success.
Coaches inherently believe that the client knows what they need and can get there with accountability and encouragement. But they do not want to create an over-reliance on the coaching process. The goal of a coach is to make themselves obsolete.
2. Empathy
Empathy is the ability to see things from another’s perspective. It is vital that a coach understand that all people have their own unique story, and that what works for one may not necessarily work for another.
The ability to empathize fully will help the coach co-create goals that are appropriate to the specific problem the client or couple is going through.
3. Listening and communication skills
If you are worried that you might not have what it takes to work one-on-one with people, fear not. A good coach training program will give you many skills to work effectively with people, such as empathetic listening, motivational interviewing, and growth assessments.
What’s the Purpose of a Relationship Coach?
Relationships are foundational to our sense of happiness in the world. Unfortunately, societal messaging tells us that simply loving someone is enough to make a relationship work. And, if you are having conflict in your relationship, it simply means you have not found the right person.
What if we took this same attitude towards other aspects of our lives? For example, what if we said: “If you were meant to play baseball, you should be able to knock it out of the park the first time you pick up a bat”. Or “If you were meant to be a musician, you should be able to write your own music as soon as you touch a piano.” We know this is absurd. So why do we assume we are just supposed to be great at relationships – when so few of us have actually learned proper relating skills in our early lives?
This is where a relationship coach comes in. Everyone needs help learning how to be good at what they care about. So if you want to have a thriving, amazing relationship, you will benefit from working with a relationship coach.
What Does a Relationship Coach Do?
A relationship coach helps both couples and individuals learn the tools to make relationships thrive. While differences and disagreements are a normal part of a relationship, a coach helps you see that you can still be successful partners, as long as you have good communication and conflict resolution skills.
Also, relationship coaches teach couples how to be intimate, improve their communication, and deepen their pleasure. They uncover what makes you and your partner feel most loved, seen, and supported – and then teach you how to give it to each other.
Relationship coaches are aware of one crucial dynamic: that all people are different. If you expect your partner to like and appreciate exactly what you do, you may be completely missing the boat.
Is a Relationship Coach the Same as a Couple’s Therapist or a Marriage Coach?
The biggest issues couples face are around differences in beliefs and needs around money, sex, and child-rearing. While a relationship coach and a marriage coach have very similar approaches to these, couple’s therapy is quite different.
In couple’s therapy, you are limited to only talking through issues. Many therapists do not have any experiential tools to offer.
Relationship coaching for couples, however – especially if it is somatically-based or experiential – offers tactile practices that help overcome challenging dynamics in a relationship. They can also work to intensify intimacy and attachment, and provide tools for relationship repair during challenging times.
What’s the Difference Between a Relationship Coach and a Dating Coach?
In short – a relationship coach helps you achieve satisfaction in long term relationships, while a dating coach is more focused on the early stages of meeting and dating.
A dating coach works with you to boost confidence in your conversational skills. They teach you how to move from small talk to deeper, more engaging conversation styles. Or they demonstrate how to flirt on a first date – and come off as playful instead of desperate or creepy. A dating coach also instructs in seduction tools and – hopefully – tools to be more sensual. Not all dating coaches assist with sexual confidence – which is why it can be helpful to find someone who specializes in both sex and dating.
In contrast, a relationship coach also helps with improving communication – but with the goal to have you be more real and intimate with your existing partner. They teach tools like vulnerability, attentive listening, and speaking empathetically. More profoundly, they can show you how your established character strategies get in the way of your intimate connections. A good relationship coach is able to shift you from painful habits to dynamic, present relating.
How Does a Relationship Coach Work With Me?
When you first sit down with a relationship coach, they explore what you see as your biggest relationship challenges, and what you want to work on. If both partners are present, your coach begins with having you practice relating in front of them.
If you don’t have a current partner, some relationship coaches will practice the relationship with you. Practice relationships are a central way Somatica coaches work with their clients. They are a wonderful way to learn relationship tools in a container of trust and safety.
Once your coach observes how you are communicating or interacting with your partner, they bring in interventions. These may consist of helping you to be more gentle, clear, responsible, and loving in your interactions. For example, if your coach notices you passing blame back and forth, they will challenge you how to speak from your own experiences instead. Or, if they see you sitting on opposite sides of the couch without touching, they may have you talk about the distance you feel. To overcome that, practicing with different kinds of closeness (once you feel comfortable and ready to do so) is a useful tool.
Why Should I Hire a Relationship Coach – and What are the Benefits?
It’s been said a million times – but you don’t know what you don’t know. And, unfortunately, when it comes to receiving feedback in the relationship arena, people don’t give valuable feedback. Your partner might get angry about something you did, but never let you know what exactly made them feel this way. Or perhaps the people in your life are frustrated with the way you act towards them, but never speak up about it. Instead, they distance themselves from you, or even break up with you. And so, you never get the chance to learn and do something different.
The main benefit of working with a relationship coach is the clarity of feedback you receive from them. They alert you about the way you are being perceived by others and give you tools to change. Often, they help partners understand each other better by translating and clarifying misunderstandings. They encourage you to try new ways of doing things and observe if they work out better for you.
Through a process of concise feedback, useful tools, and trial and error practices, your coach helps your relationship be more loving and joyful, avoiding pain and conflict.
What Tools Can I Expect My Coach to Have?
The tool chest for a relationship coach should include most, if not all, of the following:
- Talking about your challenges honestly and openly
- Practicing vulnerability
- Increasing empathy
- Helping you deal with disappointment
- Practices to deepen attachment
- Helping with sexual connection (may need a dual-method sex & relationship coach for this)
- Teaching boundaries and consent
- Identifying and communicating needs and capacities
How do I Pick the Best Coach For Me?
Like with every professional service provider, you want to first get to know your coach’s philosophy around relationships.
Are they trying to make your relationship fit a traditional model and keep it together at all cost? Or is your coach sincerely invested in giving you insight into patterns and encouraging you to make choices that are right for you? Even though they may not be traditional options like open relationships or ethical non-monogamy?
It’s important to learn if your relationship coach’s philosophy includes a balanced approach between individual happiness and fulfilling relationships. Some coaches only focus on attachment, causing people to put their individual needs aside, which is not healthy. Others focus solely on your individual needs and fail to teach you how to attend to your partner.
When choosing a relationship coach, ensure that they treat you like an adult. Many coaches subscribe to a one-size-fits-all model of relating and won’t even discuss options for alternate relationship structures.
Lastly – find out whether your desired provider is an experiential coach (like a Somatica coach), or a talk coach. While an experiential coach can also provide talk coaching services, the reverse is not true.
4 Best Certification & Training Programs
It’s unnecessary and inadvisable to take a program that only trains in relationship coaching unless you have already completed a coaching program.
An excellent coaching program should teach a variety of skills and allow the coach to choose their specialty after learning the basics. For that reason, the programs chosen for this list offer a comprehensive program as well as a specialization in relationship coaching.
Each of these programs is ICF accredited at the level of the Accredited Coach Training Program, meaning that they have met the requirements of a minimum of 125 student contact hours, mentor coaching, and a performance evaluation process. In addition, these programs are in English, but the ICF search engine offers many language options.
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)
iPEC has been ICF certified since 2002. They offer a comprehensive coaching training program, as well as business development assistance, peer networking, and one-on-one mentorship from an expert coach. Coaches who have completed this program also have access to iPEC’s library of research-backed assessment tools.
The program also offers niche specialty training, including relationship coaching.
The training program is rigorous and not self-paced. There are three, 3-day virtual meetings that occur 12 weeks apart. There are weekly classes, assignments, webinars, workbooks, and self-study materials. It is conducted more like a formal school and is an intensive time commitment.
OPEC’s training program is more expensive than most coaching programs. However, it is also one of the most comprehensive and high-quality, and one of the few programs that also offer business assistance for creating your own coaching business.
Find out more on their website.
Academy of Creative Coaching
The Academy of Creative Coaching offers a variety of ways to learn. They have a four-day weekend intensive program that offers 60 hours of contact. In addition, they also offer live online classes or a fully self-paced design.
This program requires that coach trainees choose a specialty, and training is woven into the program through specialized textbooks, coursework assignments, independent study hours, practice coaching sessions, and one-on-one mentor coaching sessions.
Find out more on their website.
The Academy for Coaching Excellence
The Academy for Coaching Excellence (ACE) is committed to providing an inclusive program. By offering sliding scale pricing, fundraising support, and a diversity and inclusion plan, they offer a promising way forward for many groups that may have not had the ability to attend a coaching program in the past.
The ACE has a commitment to compassion and social consciousness. They will match you with a mentor coach who is aligned with your focus and goals. Their program takes one to two years to complete, is fully online, and has flexible start dates for each module.
The cost of the program is based on your income and offered on a sliding scale. In addition, after completion of the first model, the program helps you begin to get paid to coach while you are completing the training.
Find out more on their website.
Coach Training World
Coach Training World (CTW) offers a program based on “whole person coaching,” a holistic and scientific process that helps the coach bring out the best in their client. They encourage specialization and guide the program based on that choice. Relationship coaching is one specialization they offer.
CTW also focuses on the business aspect of coaching, offering a variety of additional business training options.
The program lasts approximately 6 months, delivering 150 contact hours.
Find out more on their website.
3 Courses & Online Options to Consider
If you’re already trained as a therapist or counselor, it is not necessary to undergo an extensive coaching program, as many of the skills you will learn were already covered in your therapy training such as motivational interviewing, strengths-based therapies, and administering assessments.
You may want to take a brief continuing education course rather than complete hundreds of hours of coaching instruction. These courses are also helpful if you have already completed coaching training and would like to deepen your understanding of relationship coaching.
Erickson International: The Art and Science of Couples Coaching
Erickson offers many continuing education courses for coaches. One such course is their Art and Science of Couples Coaching. This three-day intensive gives coaches tools to better work through the specific problems of couples. You will learn how to use solution-focused coaching to help couples agree on relationship values and vision, rediscover love and connection, and allow forgiveness.
This program offers 20 hours of continuing coaching education units. Prerequisites are completion of previous modules with Erickson or a certificate from another coaching school.
Find out more on their website.
UK Coaching Academy
The UK Coaching Academy offers many opportunities to get special certifications in coaching outside of their full program. If you have already completed a coaching program, you can apply to complete one of their many additional certifications.
The Relationship Coach Certification course includes videos, a study guide, and an exam and offers 24 hours of continuing coaching education credits upon completion.
Find out more on their website.
Relationship Coaching Institute (RCI)
RCI has a unique approach in that the entire program is geared only toward relationship coaching. It offers an ICF-accredited program that provides 83 hours of instruction, mentorship, and training.
The three modules are Foundations of Relationship Coaching, Relationship Coaching for Singles, and Relationship Coaching for Couples. Students have the option of taking each of these courses separately or completing all three.
The program meets once a week and lasts for nine months. It is the most comprehensive relationship coach training available. Rather than tuition, RCI charges a membership fee. This fee affords members access to all the live courses, as well as other self-study courses on relationship coaching.
Find out more on their website.
A Look at Our Positive Relationships Masterclass
Another great option for practitioners who want to deepen their understanding of positive psychology and relationships is our Positive Relationships Masterclass. This course will teach you the key principles of successful relationships and give you access to hands-on tools.
You will be provided with the content needed to design and deliver a client coaching, development, or therapy program so that you can help people build supportive relationships at scale.
A Take-Home Message
While life coaching is an exciting and growing field, to be truly successful as a coach, it helps to choose a niche. New coaches may believe that choosing a niche will lead to fewer clients, but it’s actually the opposite. When you have expertise in a specific area, it helps to set you apart from the many coaches out there (Dean, 1999).
If you have a passion for working with couples and helping people reach their goals in relationships, then becoming a relationship coach may just be the perfect fit for you. If the idea of helping reignite the spark between two people excites you, you are on the right track. Or maybe you’d like to help managers learn how to better interact with their employees, design team building, or work in conflict resolution.
